Revelation

Many of us nerdy little creatures spend their school life sitting on the front benches without glaring at those distant beautiful faces at the back. Somehow, it works just fine till the time somebody so striking and pretty comes across and sways your heart. How does the fickle mind concentrate then?
 Those days can be tough. I remember that as a tenth grader, I set my eyes on this occult creature of the opposite sex. I somehow found myself drawn to her like a bee to a flower, a druggie to marijuana, or a Delhi commuter to the last metro.That blossoming beauty with shiny clothes and glossy lips.( Yeah...My mind was evolved only this much, for my moral righteousness limited my extent of imagination of her)
 Naive as I was, I took the trouble of trying to understand or at least contemplate upon what a girl really wants in a guy. Yes, I was that stupid!! Everybody knows that you can't understand a girl, including the girls themselves. Those were the days when the Boards were hovering over everyone's mind and there I was, the nerd of the class trying  my luck with the pretty girl in the class. Trust me, for a nerd, that is nothing less than risking one's own life, such was my infatuation. Since, I didn't know how the " Game" was played, I stuck with seemingly polite passive way of strengthening my friendship with her. That was a mistake.
So, the girl as to my surprise was somehow drawn to these jerks in my class who with their abrasive foul language had better luck with her than I did. Meanwhile, my grades dropped a few points and everyone said...DON'T GET DISTRACTED. Love can be blinding and will drag you away from reality. I was indeed falling for a girl who in true sense was the most unbalanced creature around, was " plump"( puberty is very evident in girls, it tends to swell up their bosoms and bottoms quite a lot), shouted around at random people for no good reason. I am deeply embarrassed with myself now.
Anyway, the façade of true love died because as the apparent Daredevil I had become in my tryst with destiny, I asked her out eventually. When I look back at that moment, I am pretty sure Sheldon would have been smoother in the moment than I was. Over the years, I have improved in a sense that I have become comfortable with the idea of crazy girls who come, screw you over and leave in despair.

The 3 AKs

Well, bringing in the political flavour in the onset of elections, fair campaigning is the right campaigning, and negative campaigning is the worst political gimmick played. But then, its Indian politics. There is apparently no fun to the elections without a hate speech to instigate millions, throwing Desi molotov cocktails at opposition party workers or having a Gandhi to mock at. As per the recent trend, black ink is drawing popularity amidst disgruntled youth seeking publicity in the pretext of seeking  justice for their own political ideologies. Probably throwing footwear has become too mainstream!!
Just today I heard over the news, an analogy drawn by Mr Modi to eventually take a dig at Congress and the AAP. Mr Modi showed his efficacy at verbal slaying, by saying that 3 AKs  will prove fatal to this country. The AKs being

1. AK-47- the famous Kalashnikov, bringing people closer to death since 1946. Popular for the ease with which it can blow your mind, as in literally, the AK is a deathly wand at hand that even Voldemort would trade his nose for or Salman Khan would trade his virginity for. Sanjay Dutt has long been a promoter of this tool to the Indian Judiciary. In fact, the judiciary has been so impressed by his marketing abilities, that he is regularly sent out on paroles to continue it.

2. AK Antony- There are two kinds of people who leave you speechless. One who will enamour you by their sheer display of verbal abilities, and the ones who exude a sense of confidence, focus and responsibility. Mr Antony is neither. But there is something that he is indeed passionate about and you can't take that away from him, his passion to stall defence deals.

3. Arvind Kejriwal aka AK  49- Well, the name is enough. Say that name in a regular Indian household, apart from the fact that he indeed is the AAM AADMI we would desperately like to believe he is, him being an IITian may also earn him points from lot of parents across the country. He has a holistic propaganda which is unsubtle and economically unsound. One can give him the benefit of doubt of being new to politics, but that certainly doesn't earn one the right to make mockery out of the entire political structure. He can be seen as the hyperactive kid in the household who is the least productive, yet makes the most noise.

I am no Modi fan, but certainly things are very wrong with the others in the political fray right now.

AD-WARs BJP

If you have attended any marketing lectures, you will know the best about the ideal of marketing. In a perfect world, taking a dig at your competitors would be considered unhealthy and unethical. But then, such people who look upon this world from the haloed spheres don;t necessarily descend down to put some sense. So why bother.

I think most of the people would remember the saga of the Sprite-Dew ads which rolled out a couple of years back till Coca Cola bought sprite and deprived us on some healthy gimmicks. Anyway, one ad in particular by Sprite played out like this:-

( Punk kid with an afro enters the shop and in his funky accent, asks for a dew)

Shopkeeper:- Arey, don't do yahaan, do Jhaadhi ke peeche.

Guy-I want the DEEWww man...i wanna dewww....

Shopkeeper;-Arey, kaha na..don't do yahan, do jhaadi ke peeche

So, this ad is one of the memorable ads which bought out the beauty inherit to the Indian Ad industry. Do you think, if the ad focused more on why I should buy carbonated sugar water by probably having a heroine stick her lips round the bottle neck, it would have made such an impact. No, humans like humour and entertainment, even if it involves two people throwing muck at each other. 

So, let dig into the new BJP's(Bhartiya Janta Party) advertisment campaign. If you saw those ads , you wouldn't only appreciate the humour involved but also the timings. In middle of a world cup match between  India and Pakistan, you have cartoon ads featuring animated characters involving cricket, bantering about political moral righteousness. If that is not character assassination, than what is. 

One of the ads features a toss at the beginning of a Cricket match, with one of the team captains waiting with the umpire for the other captain to come out. It then shows the other captain being absent altogether. Umpire announce "Bina captain ki team kayegi maat...isiliye abki baar...Modi sarkar"...the tongue in cheek expressions aren't just about humour, but a very firm message to the public. This is how you market yourself, because I am pretty sure , pictures of people throwing freebies at people isn't so appealing as Rahul Gandhi envisaged.

All quiet on the Western Front

Over the past couple of weeks, the media frenzy over the events at Ukraine have been mind boggling. It usually starts with some Russian movement into the hot zone, annexation of parts followed by speculation by the so called powerful EU taking actions. Something about Angela Merkel not being game about the whole "seduce Putin with your charms, let me handle the rest " idea given out by Obama. rekindle some love and Putin might just fall for the charms.
While Putin would have wanted to take away as much as possible in his kitty bag, I think he didn't want to come across as a needy person, should the Russian population judge.This can be heralded as the advent of the "Cold War".
Well, personally I am a big fan of the USA -Russia cold wars, not because many people die but because of the series of brilliant strategies which are employed by both sides. USA usually goes about arming rebels or creating armed militias who then, out of poor unfavourable treatment meted out to them by their benefactors, resort to eventual " take planes and drive it to their face" strategy. Being unaware of social conventions of the middle-east , USA takes such friendly gestures of nudging each other over tea to be offending and goes to war with them.
Not to my fancy, the USA seems to be bearing the grudge against its old time foe-Russia for invading a country in the pretext of establishing peace( certainly not heard of before). In the follow up of events, which are worthy of the modern phrase "stealing my thunder", the USA has now sought to impose economic sanctions on Russia.(that  must hurt) If things couldn't get more serious, Russia has now sought to do a similar "Right back attcha" gesture, by throwing in its own set of sanctions in the fray. Now, as the cold war gets murkier since Russian milk shakes and chocolates no longer adorning the racks at Walmarts, the woeful denizens of the mighty nations are set to set the streets ablaze. Obama administration with its decreasing approval ratings, has been to blame. For what its worth, Putin will be the one having the last laugh sitting by the Crimea river as he does.

Reds, blacks, whites, ..

Ahh,,,well you have probably heard about the reds, blacks, whites and their respective racial connotations. In India, you wouldn't really have a racial bend to them, but certainly these terms carry with them their own weight. We have reds(aka maoists), a bunch of enthusiastic youths usually found in the forest of Chattisgarh, aping the ideology of a person whose reference only draws a big blur to their minds.Then we have blacks and whites, varying on the level of foundation applied. Not to forget the Pinks, the one and only Bajrang Dal, who casually indulge in the art of molestation in the pretext of moral policing. We do have a few greens, a little shade of yellow....and hell lot of saffron lately.
I kid you not, the reds are the best of the lot. Not trying to bring in humour quotient in this regard. These people are born fighters. They generally feature in the news for mass killing of para-military personnel, and sometimes when they are jovial , they favour the nation by knocking away a few politicians as well. They have sound leadership as well. One of their prominent leader, the Late Kisheji was a Doon School pass out. Former distance runner Paan Singh Tomar was one of the most sought after "Baggi"of his times. So, 10 marks in both academics and sports for them. Considering their kills rate, I would rate their training establishments as one of the best, and certainly better than those of paramilitary forces. Their recruitment schemes usually involve picking up a bayonet in hand or taking a bullet in the head. For obvious reasons, the former in preferred.
The pinks are again another team in the fray for the "Not-so-sane"award for mental debauchery and astray ideological mindset. Holding themselves as the guides to moral righteousness, they preach such nobility in the most tactful manner. Do you think, if they were to hold regular 'Sabhas' to preach their ideology, anybody would actually come. Well, they don't think so either. That is why, the Pinks usually mobilise enlightened youth to take up their cause, and fling themselves at women and drag them away for wearing clothes for it might be perceived as too revealing and indecent for the Indian society.
If you are still guessing to why are they referred to as pinks here, you might consider asking the men in Mangalore who now are the proud owners of the great Indian Hosiery collection.

Metro Woes

I am an AAM AADMI who holds strident views,is generous in his dharnas, and  is an active participants of India Gate protests cum free showers. I am the one who hooks on to the DTC side doors, fashioning my elegant butt to the outside world, takes a metro ride just for the AC and is very watchful of the sunday langars in the Gurdwara to satisfy my belching belly. I am me and me is awesome.

I am ideally a calm, peace loving  person who would straighten up and walk away when I see a fight in public, but blow my lungs out in protest should the onion prices rise. I do not like to be used, yet I go and vote for the most corrupt party for my conscience pricks me to do justice to the pleaders who are eloquent in their promising speeches and give away freebies to anyone and everyone. Such is my nobility, that I walk through a charade of immoral disposition, but should the foreigners in town indulge in anything morally suspicious, it becomes my utmost duty as a responsible citizen to cleanse my mother land of such "bigots".


On my woeful journey through the sad city, I showcase my predatory skills as I pleasure my eyes with the sight of such exquisite beauty who have curves in the right places, and unfortunately enough dignity not to even stare back. I don't even spare the ones with a kid to walk along, for it becomes my duty to gaze upon those blissful creatures of true angelic beauty to adorn their humanoid figure. If I am lucky, I get to close up upon them to smell the fragrance that fills the surroundings and levitate into the air with utmost happiness. Yet, I garb upon the mask of the noble vigilante seeking justice when I see a guy frisking a neighbourhood girl, for then it becomes a matter of pride as I am the Tiger of the region and no one invades my territory. And guess how I demarcate my territory from those around....yes..I piss off people and I piss on moral dignity that I should ideally hold up for it is not my temperament to allow others to touch what is  "rightfully" mine. I'm a NOBLE man and I won't restrain myself from manning up to any injustice that befalls the society in large.

PAPA of Indian Comedy

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If your aren't too rigid in your thinking and prude as an individual who does "HAWW" on hearing sexual jokes, then you might consider listening to this Indian great. Not only is his diction worth listening to, he does justice to the act of stand-up and makes sure that he exemplifies the line "making a joke out of you".

He is incredible in his own way, and doesn't just imitate some guy by making weird expression, making you ponder to whether a clown equivalent would have been a better substitute.