The 3 AKs

Well, bringing in the political flavour in the onset of elections, fair campaigning is the right campaigning, and negative campaigning is the worst political gimmick played. But then, its Indian politics. There is apparently no fun to the elections without a hate speech to instigate millions, throwing Desi molotov cocktails at opposition party workers or having a Gandhi to mock at. As per the recent trend, black ink is drawing popularity amidst disgruntled youth seeking publicity in the pretext of seeking  justice for their own political ideologies. Probably throwing footwear has become too mainstream!!
Just today I heard over the news, an analogy drawn by Mr Modi to eventually take a dig at Congress and the AAP. Mr Modi showed his efficacy at verbal slaying, by saying that 3 AKs  will prove fatal to this country. The AKs being

1. AK-47- the famous Kalashnikov, bringing people closer to death since 1946. Popular for the ease with which it can blow your mind, as in literally, the AK is a deathly wand at hand that even Voldemort would trade his nose for or Salman Khan would trade his virginity for. Sanjay Dutt has long been a promoter of this tool to the Indian Judiciary. In fact, the judiciary has been so impressed by his marketing abilities, that he is regularly sent out on paroles to continue it.

2. AK Antony- There are two kinds of people who leave you speechless. One who will enamour you by their sheer display of verbal abilities, and the ones who exude a sense of confidence, focus and responsibility. Mr Antony is neither. But there is something that he is indeed passionate about and you can't take that away from him, his passion to stall defence deals.

3. Arvind Kejriwal aka AK  49- Well, the name is enough. Say that name in a regular Indian household, apart from the fact that he indeed is the AAM AADMI we would desperately like to believe he is, him being an IITian may also earn him points from lot of parents across the country. He has a holistic propaganda which is unsubtle and economically unsound. One can give him the benefit of doubt of being new to politics, but that certainly doesn't earn one the right to make mockery out of the entire political structure. He can be seen as the hyperactive kid in the household who is the least productive, yet makes the most noise.

I am no Modi fan, but certainly things are very wrong with the others in the political fray right now.

AD-WARs BJP

If you have attended any marketing lectures, you will know the best about the ideal of marketing. In a perfect world, taking a dig at your competitors would be considered unhealthy and unethical. But then, such people who look upon this world from the haloed spheres don;t necessarily descend down to put some sense. So why bother.

I think most of the people would remember the saga of the Sprite-Dew ads which rolled out a couple of years back till Coca Cola bought sprite and deprived us on some healthy gimmicks. Anyway, one ad in particular by Sprite played out like this:-

( Punk kid with an afro enters the shop and in his funky accent, asks for a dew)

Shopkeeper:- Arey, don't do yahaan, do Jhaadhi ke peeche.

Guy-I want the DEEWww man...i wanna dewww....

Shopkeeper;-Arey, kaha na..don't do yahan, do jhaadi ke peeche

So, this ad is one of the memorable ads which bought out the beauty inherit to the Indian Ad industry. Do you think, if the ad focused more on why I should buy carbonated sugar water by probably having a heroine stick her lips round the bottle neck, it would have made such an impact. No, humans like humour and entertainment, even if it involves two people throwing muck at each other. 

So, let dig into the new BJP's(Bhartiya Janta Party) advertisment campaign. If you saw those ads , you wouldn't only appreciate the humour involved but also the timings. In middle of a world cup match between  India and Pakistan, you have cartoon ads featuring animated characters involving cricket, bantering about political moral righteousness. If that is not character assassination, than what is. 

One of the ads features a toss at the beginning of a Cricket match, with one of the team captains waiting with the umpire for the other captain to come out. It then shows the other captain being absent altogether. Umpire announce "Bina captain ki team kayegi maat...isiliye abki baar...Modi sarkar"...the tongue in cheek expressions aren't just about humour, but a very firm message to the public. This is how you market yourself, because I am pretty sure , pictures of people throwing freebies at people isn't so appealing as Rahul Gandhi envisaged.

All quiet on the Western Front

Over the past couple of weeks, the media frenzy over the events at Ukraine have been mind boggling. It usually starts with some Russian movement into the hot zone, annexation of parts followed by speculation by the so called powerful EU taking actions. Something about Angela Merkel not being game about the whole "seduce Putin with your charms, let me handle the rest " idea given out by Obama. rekindle some love and Putin might just fall for the charms.
While Putin would have wanted to take away as much as possible in his kitty bag, I think he didn't want to come across as a needy person, should the Russian population judge.This can be heralded as the advent of the "Cold War".
Well, personally I am a big fan of the USA -Russia cold wars, not because many people die but because of the series of brilliant strategies which are employed by both sides. USA usually goes about arming rebels or creating armed militias who then, out of poor unfavourable treatment meted out to them by their benefactors, resort to eventual " take planes and drive it to their face" strategy. Being unaware of social conventions of the middle-east , USA takes such friendly gestures of nudging each other over tea to be offending and goes to war with them.
Not to my fancy, the USA seems to be bearing the grudge against its old time foe-Russia for invading a country in the pretext of establishing peace( certainly not heard of before). In the follow up of events, which are worthy of the modern phrase "stealing my thunder", the USA has now sought to impose economic sanctions on Russia.(that  must hurt) If things couldn't get more serious, Russia has now sought to do a similar "Right back attcha" gesture, by throwing in its own set of sanctions in the fray. Now, as the cold war gets murkier since Russian milk shakes and chocolates no longer adorning the racks at Walmarts, the woeful denizens of the mighty nations are set to set the streets ablaze. Obama administration with its decreasing approval ratings, has been to blame. For what its worth, Putin will be the one having the last laugh sitting by the Crimea river as he does.

Reds, blacks, whites, ..

Ahh,,,well you have probably heard about the reds, blacks, whites and their respective racial connotations. In India, you wouldn't really have a racial bend to them, but certainly these terms carry with them their own weight. We have reds(aka maoists), a bunch of enthusiastic youths usually found in the forest of Chattisgarh, aping the ideology of a person whose reference only draws a big blur to their minds.Then we have blacks and whites, varying on the level of foundation applied. Not to forget the Pinks, the one and only Bajrang Dal, who casually indulge in the art of molestation in the pretext of moral policing. We do have a few greens, a little shade of yellow....and hell lot of saffron lately.
I kid you not, the reds are the best of the lot. Not trying to bring in humour quotient in this regard. These people are born fighters. They generally feature in the news for mass killing of para-military personnel, and sometimes when they are jovial , they favour the nation by knocking away a few politicians as well. They have sound leadership as well. One of their prominent leader, the Late Kisheji was a Doon School pass out. Former distance runner Paan Singh Tomar was one of the most sought after "Baggi"of his times. So, 10 marks in both academics and sports for them. Considering their kills rate, I would rate their training establishments as one of the best, and certainly better than those of paramilitary forces. Their recruitment schemes usually involve picking up a bayonet in hand or taking a bullet in the head. For obvious reasons, the former in preferred.
The pinks are again another team in the fray for the "Not-so-sane"award for mental debauchery and astray ideological mindset. Holding themselves as the guides to moral righteousness, they preach such nobility in the most tactful manner. Do you think, if they were to hold regular 'Sabhas' to preach their ideology, anybody would actually come. Well, they don't think so either. That is why, the Pinks usually mobilise enlightened youth to take up their cause, and fling themselves at women and drag them away for wearing clothes for it might be perceived as too revealing and indecent for the Indian society.
If you are still guessing to why are they referred to as pinks here, you might consider asking the men in Mangalore who now are the proud owners of the great Indian Hosiery collection.

Metro Woes

I am an AAM AADMI who holds strident views,is generous in his dharnas, and  is an active participants of India Gate protests cum free showers. I am the one who hooks on to the DTC side doors, fashioning my elegant butt to the outside world, takes a metro ride just for the AC and is very watchful of the sunday langars in the Gurdwara to satisfy my belching belly. I am me and me is awesome.

I am ideally a calm, peace loving  person who would straighten up and walk away when I see a fight in public, but blow my lungs out in protest should the onion prices rise. I do not like to be used, yet I go and vote for the most corrupt party for my conscience pricks me to do justice to the pleaders who are eloquent in their promising speeches and give away freebies to anyone and everyone. Such is my nobility, that I walk through a charade of immoral disposition, but should the foreigners in town indulge in anything morally suspicious, it becomes my utmost duty as a responsible citizen to cleanse my mother land of such "bigots".


On my woeful journey through the sad city, I showcase my predatory skills as I pleasure my eyes with the sight of such exquisite beauty who have curves in the right places, and unfortunately enough dignity not to even stare back. I don't even spare the ones with a kid to walk along, for it becomes my duty to gaze upon those blissful creatures of true angelic beauty to adorn their humanoid figure. If I am lucky, I get to close up upon them to smell the fragrance that fills the surroundings and levitate into the air with utmost happiness. Yet, I garb upon the mask of the noble vigilante seeking justice when I see a guy frisking a neighbourhood girl, for then it becomes a matter of pride as I am the Tiger of the region and no one invades my territory. And guess how I demarcate my territory from those around....yes..I piss off people and I piss on moral dignity that I should ideally hold up for it is not my temperament to allow others to touch what is  "rightfully" mine. I'm a NOBLE man and I won't restrain myself from manning up to any injustice that befalls the society in large.

PAPA of Indian Comedy

)



If your aren't too rigid in your thinking and prude as an individual who does "HAWW" on hearing sexual jokes, then you might consider listening to this Indian great. Not only is his diction worth listening to, he does justice to the act of stand-up and makes sure that he exemplifies the line "making a joke out of you".

He is incredible in his own way, and doesn't just imitate some guy by making weird expression, making you ponder to whether a clown equivalent would have been a better substitute.

One Last Breath

When one is idle, the mind tends to wander away to contemplate the most implausible of situations. Sometimes one cooks up the most stupidest of ideas and dwells in it, travelling to that parallel universe where even Superman would shy away from his persona and strength or envisage a life of a millionaire where girls drool over his name. Such people can be found in your surroundings too, if you concentrate. The last bencher in your class smiling away at the window is not crazy, he is a dreamer; the little kid next door whose daily ritual of streaking across the neighbourhood celebrating his eureka moment is a dreamer; the dorky friend of yours who uses his set of card tricks to entice girls is definitely a dreamer, like literally.

Even I had a dream, something very overwhelming which had me thinking, if today was my last day what would I do. Its actually more to do with a prolonged illness of mine which made me panic, and my life flashed across my eyes. I didn't go about running all tormented as if Hrithik Roshan had announced to make another Krishh, but definitely had some deep insightful moments.I realised that there was so much to do, yet I just sat through life as if it meant nothing. I want to be crazy and fly away like a bird and spread my wings as I glide across the Miami beaches, staring down women cleavages as I do. Be a Tarzan in the jungle and dance with a troupe of dancing gorillas, I want to sit down with Rahul Gandhi and discuss his elaborate plans on women empowerment, get adopted by Brangelina and sleep with Kristen Bell. OK..not that . I want to read every classic there is and sound like Shakespeare as I stroll down the college corridors with a quill in hand, I want to look at naked women all day in the pretext of painting them on canvas.

On a serious note, if today was my last day I would want to fill it with love, for there is no force as potent which can sway your life in a completely different direction. I would walk up to my once girlfriend and tell her to how much she means to me. No matter how things might look, but we all are slaves of our own destiny, and I guess destiny had me  part ways with her, which I chose to accept. But, if it really was my last day, I could consider getting the idea across. I don't want to be a hero in life for everyone to look and applaud, I just wish to be a hero in my own eyes. I want to see myself treading that unconventional path, regardless of whether it is the ideal way to success or not. I don't want to be blinded by rage as I breath my last. I only wish to remember those who made my life worthwhile.

There are a lot of things this heart of mine wishes to do, but time is little for it is us, naive humans who choose to neglect the honourable things in life to indulge in prodigality. I still choose to sit idle and wander when I can just get up and do them all. It is grave misfortune in itself not to try and curse your fate, for things can be so different, they can be so right, its all about initiative and focus.

A pack of retards

"Leading from the front is an attribute of great heroes and warriors. The others combatants are the ones who follow. Apart from them, are another bunch of noble men gone astray, the clan of the retards"
                                                                                                      - Gen Con Retard
Are you different from the rest? Do you feel constantly out of place or have ever resorted to futile searching of you little space shuttle that bought you here from krypton(Not so lucky are you, always seeking a better excuse for poor existence). Well, let me tell you, you aren't the only one. There have in the past been many great individuals who didn't shy from being themselves and ended up achieving great success in their lives. Mind you, not ALL. Few were burnt away as witches and devils too.
That was the great Victorian age, time of  prude individuals with pride. Hypocrisy wasn't in existence back then....not as a quality..but as a term in itself. As an attribute, I bet the entire society would have found itself on the other side of the "Table of Moral Righteousness".
If you are to Google the meaning of a retard, the socially inept Google will tell you that it mean delay in progress or development. Well, to me it only means people with different bend of mind. In the society in general, anyone who isn't a typical Douchebag noble humanoid with a significant life to themselves, is considered a retard." As per the ideology of the few who deceive the many and judge the rest" , inability to conform to the "social conventions of turpitude", one might see himself/herself slated across the world as the retardest retard.
When people strive to be themselves, the world connives to work against such individuals for they are rampant in their desires of being brutally unconventional , and reject the "normal" status that requires them to be everything but themselves. I kid you not, should you venture into the "normal" zone, coming back into the "being yourself"zone is difficult. Its like being a Chris Tucker amongst a bunch of Asian Dudes, trying to be like Jackie Chan ,only to realise not everyone can stab with chopsticks and have a duel with every random stranger on the street,all of whom know martial arts. You are good with guns and rap music is your symphony of life, be yourself.
Being a retard is a privilege in itself. But this privilege doesn't by any means give you the liberty to swing your way through anything. The unconventional thinking cap doesn't validate the your acts of blatant stupidity.
A retard has his way with people, melts in the crowd and yet shines as and when the need arises. His life isn't a tryst of debauchery, but of something of utmost importance. Its a constant pursuit of perfection in the art of happiness, for that is the goal of life.

Living in glass houses, yet so generous

Why do few people keep harping about other individuals and their lives? Why would any rational person suddenly chose to draw away from his own life and mistakes to present a very skewed and self justified view about someone else. Only the people who have a hard time living in their own skin find it hard to acknowledge the accomplishments of one around them.
I usually come across loud mouths who apparently have nothing else to do than to speculate about other people's lives. For a minute it is entertaining, but then you would wonder when they dig into the intricacies of the matter and have "What the F**k moment"wherein you think, why are we discussing this anyways.
Here are few certain issues that might pose a problem to you, the listener
1. A female friend of yours comes to you and tells you about this guy and his night-out escapades where he apparently kissed and hooked up with multiple people. If you are a guy yourself, that moment you are held in awe, but can't show it on your face out of fear of being judged yourself. So, you just continue to listen till the feeling is so overwhelming that you are dying to meet this inspirational being and just out sheer "quest for knowledge", you suddenly turn hostile and ask your friend....TAKE MY MONEY AND GIVE ME HIS NUMBER...thus starting your initiation towards apprenticeship under such enlightened beings.

2. You like someone and you chose to speak to that person. But apparently there are these self righteous people who think that the only reason they were sent down to earth was to act as protectors of every girl there is. Apparently they took the Indian preamble to seriously. Mind you, these people are in fact very decent themselves. There are a class of people that i have come across, who befriend people in the pretext of being not just a friend, but being a brother to people. They eliminate competition and try to make their way through. HAHAHA...obviously the result is disastrous. That is not how the game is played.

There are many such instances that I may quote. But then, i guess you enlightened readers get the idea. Fi
ckle world this

The Damsel Above

Back when I was a 10th grader, like every nerdy geeky kid, my aim in life was to ace through my exams. Nothing else mattered to me more, not even the blue eyed girl in the adjacent block who roamed the apartment every evening taking walks and smiled at me giving impetus to my fetish of having her someday...But lets  not get carried away. You see, when an ideal innocent focused individual like me got down to study, I would make sure that no one bothered me with their futile and annoying habits.

I had these lovely neighbours in my apartment, who apparently did not believe in the idea of 'living and letting live'. I had these two girls in the 20s living in the flat above mine. Like every Modern Delhite, brimming with rebellion from peaceful living, their weekends usually involved a lot of partying. Now lets not go into what and whom they did(:p), but lets focus on how they would actually go on to bother the studious me.

Girls have these little conical towers that they like to stand on, giving their hind a very peculiar yet curvy look. Now these ladies in the floor above probably had them on like all the time. Please don't get an idea that I had worked something out to keep a 'virtual track'of the damsels above. It so happened that the apartment of mine was rather peculiar as one could really hear the sound of movements from floor above. So, basically when people would walk around in heels, it would actually feel as if someone was hammering my head.

Usually my silent days would feature sounds filling my room such as this

THAK THAK THA....thak...THAK.......

I swear to god, after a point of time, frustrated as I was, I started finding music in even those noises. I thought that as an inquisitive nerdy individual , I could probably walk up to one of them, and ask them to enlighten me on  the concept of the pleasures of the pointy heels and their unintentional subjugation of their neighbours to potentially brain haemorrhaging sounds. I guess it sounded well in my head, for it certainly wasn't taken well by them. Anyway, I played my 'kid'card and walked out of it unharmed without any scar of heels to mar my body.But soon they moved out and thus, ended my misery. Today, ladies and gentlemen, I stand tall for I survived.TRUE STORY!!