The earlier post of mine just gave a little insight into my ordeal in this sphere of life. Its not really a thing that I can evoke humour out of, but certainly it was a memorable and pleasant experience which stays intact in some corner of my heart. What followed is the misery and the agony so killing that the world seemed unfair at every step. Its basically when something means so much to you and you loose it, you will be rendered incomplete and the memories are the only things that will stay with you.
I have gone over these thoughts over and over again, wrenching as I did. Consoling myself seemed like the only plausible solution with an ardent desire to move on. But to err is human, and I am probably one of the most flawed human there is. I couldn't get it out of my head, I couldn't live with the fact that when someone close goes, it leaves you in deep anguish and you feel betrayed. Time has always been my companion through the strenuous life, but time too betrayed me. I wished for it to sway me over and relieve me of this agony which aggravated each passing moment, but time just slid my like a passing wave , hardly leaving a mark over the emotional wound that I had ingrained.
The more I think ,the more I realise, everything does happen for a reason and this was bound to happen. Dwelling in a cocoon that I had weaved for myself, hardly slithering out for the fear of the unknown had to have a consequence. When you become complacent, you not only detach yourself from the wonderful world there is, but you also let go of wonderful opportunities that life entails. You try to glide over the seamless drift of the monotonous world and find happiness in something material. You deprive yourself of true happiness and life becomes a debauchery of material and physical attributes.
When the Almighty shows his wrath, it isn't a moment of displeasure which smear over one's life, but is like a clout that hurts you and moreover teaches you. God taught me a lesson, which is not engrained deep in my soul.
I lost her, not because of my lack of sincerity but because I never took control over my life. I let things pass by and yet I stood with that pretentious smile, not trying to fool others but myself into believing that life was indeed too peaceful and good,...So bash on regardless. I can't see her any more and when I do, words stray away and thoughts...well they are as skewed as ever. I don't know if I ever will walk across and look her in the eyes for she is mine no more, but I want to work hard in my life so to have the dignity to treat her as she deserves.
I have gone over these thoughts over and over again, wrenching as I did. Consoling myself seemed like the only plausible solution with an ardent desire to move on. But to err is human, and I am probably one of the most flawed human there is. I couldn't get it out of my head, I couldn't live with the fact that when someone close goes, it leaves you in deep anguish and you feel betrayed. Time has always been my companion through the strenuous life, but time too betrayed me. I wished for it to sway me over and relieve me of this agony which aggravated each passing moment, but time just slid my like a passing wave , hardly leaving a mark over the emotional wound that I had ingrained.
The more I think ,the more I realise, everything does happen for a reason and this was bound to happen. Dwelling in a cocoon that I had weaved for myself, hardly slithering out for the fear of the unknown had to have a consequence. When you become complacent, you not only detach yourself from the wonderful world there is, but you also let go of wonderful opportunities that life entails. You try to glide over the seamless drift of the monotonous world and find happiness in something material. You deprive yourself of true happiness and life becomes a debauchery of material and physical attributes.
When the Almighty shows his wrath, it isn't a moment of displeasure which smear over one's life, but is like a clout that hurts you and moreover teaches you. God taught me a lesson, which is not engrained deep in my soul.
I lost her, not because of my lack of sincerity but because I never took control over my life. I let things pass by and yet I stood with that pretentious smile, not trying to fool others but myself into believing that life was indeed too peaceful and good,...So bash on regardless. I can't see her any more and when I do, words stray away and thoughts...well they are as skewed as ever. I don't know if I ever will walk across and look her in the eyes for she is mine no more, but I want to work hard in my life so to have the dignity to treat her as she deserves.
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